Stop All the Clocks

Put Down That Baggage (or "That must have been one of your other girlfriends, Honey.")

I’ve been thinking about baggage.  I’m looking ahead to summer, fantasizing about another one of those fabulous, risk taking, strike out into the unknown vacations – similar to the one I took last year.

I packed a small backpack with clothes; strapped on a money belt; rolled up the fear and terror inside of a ball of excitement, hope and a pocket full of money; boarded a plane and leapt into living.  I survived and realized that I can thrive with less stuff than the crap stuffed into my little backpack. 

Flash forward seven months to one of those pre-spring Saturday mornings where I know I should buy a hot chocolate but the sun nibbling at the edges of the clouds sways me to buy an iced tea.  I went for a walk with David.  We happened to pass a Blockbuster and I noticed a poster for the movie 'Red.'

“Oh!  That’s the movie with Bruce Willis.  He plays a retired spy.” 

“Yes, we saw that together, Bunny.”  (Yes, people, he calls me ‘Bunny’ and I love it.)

“No.  That must have been one of your other girlfriends, Honey.”

David paused, took a bracing breath and said, “I’m sorry.” 

There it was: baggage and more than he needs to carry.  We had a nice conversation about the fact that he had a life before me and he has the freedom to discuss it without worry that I will blow up, complain, hold out, or give him the silent treatment.   Let it go, baby.

Since then, I’ve given consideration to my own baggage:  I am afraid that the people I love will become sick and die without warning.  It is difficult for me to accept help from people, even loved ones, because I don’t want to be a burden.  I have too many pets because I am afraid to be alone.  As with my post-vacation reflection, I’ve given thought to what I can set down.

The term ‘baggage’ often has negative connotations, implying that we are somehow harmed by the experiences that define or frame the life lessons that fill our lives and shape our current and future relationships and actions.

Here’s another take:  I carried my travel baggage all over Italy and Paris.  I walked miles with that backpack on my shoulders, up stairs and hills, into museums, monuments and churches.  I crammed it into the storage compartment of buses, trains, and airplanes, never leaving it behind.  At inconvenient times, that backpack felt as heavy as Earth. It was hot.  Nightly, the contents exploded, having to be repacked each morning.  On the other hand, I lost weight, learned that I don’t really need as many clothes or make-up, and I had a great time.

My personal baggage has led me to love the people in my life with tenacity so that I know that they know that I love them.  Although I have a hideously long way to go, I am beginning to accept the help that people offer and with respect to the animal issue, I’ve asked for people to intervene should they ever hear the following words, “I think I need another cat/dog/bird/turtle/porcupine/sloth…

I'm working on setting down my own baggage. In order to do so honestly, however, I know that I must acknowledge that carrying it has made me a stronger, better person.

 

Hey People! You Matter to Me!

I have to resist the urge to capitalize the word life.  Life.  How easy it is for me to forget how significant just being alive is when my days are wrapped in the duty and the routine of living.  Even still, after an expensive lesson, I often forget to meet people first, jumping immediately into a discussion or a request or a report.  I forget to begin with the rituals that remind people how much they mean to me; “Hello.  How are you today?”  or “How’s life?”

Honestly, it is easier to remember to begin with connecting to people outside of work.  “Hi.”  “I love you.”  “How the heck are you?”  “What are you looking forward to this week?”  These entries into conversation feel right when I am among family and friends.  I feel a sense of belonging – that I have the right to inquire and to explicitly tell them that I care.

Connecting at work is one of my growing edges.  I think that I am less bound by the pressures of time and duty in my home life.  I am free from the confines of a job description.  It is not as if I have to force myself to care while I am working.  I care deeply about the men and women that I work with.  Daily, I am blown away by what they bring to students and their capacity to see students as individuals and meet their needs.  It is wondrous. 

Someone that I respect one said, “problems expand to fill the time allotted.”  I think about that a lot.  Honestly, it is a whole lot of work to limit the time for problems to consume.  And, upon deeper thinking, I see that one problem can mushroom into a huge time suck. Or one problem can propagate,  like tribbles, filling every nook and cranny of my work day in the same way that the furry aliens filled the Enterprise.  Whether they balloon or multiply, I know that I need to keep working at limiting the space for problems so that the space that expands can be filled with the people.  They matter most.   Maybe this problem thing is an excuse and in reality, it is as simple as prioritizing, placing problems well below people. 

People come and go throughout our personal and our professional lives.  The strength of the connections that we make do not depend exclusively upon whether we work together, learn together, or live together.  The strength depends upon the effort me make to communicate that they matter to us.

I have a whole lot of practicing to do.  I worry that people don’t know how much I respect, admire and appreciate them as people.  I fear that we may pass each other by with words unsaid.   I am not comfortable with that.   The good news is that everyday, I have multiple opportunities to practice, to apply an leave, knowing that I’ve done my best.